Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
