she woke up with a sticky ear
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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