Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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