I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
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