i jhust puked up my retainher.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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