The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Four minutes until I can fart!
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
