I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
