Please, let me fuck your mom
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
