Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
