I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize