His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize