a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
