I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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