My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Never underestimate the power of titties
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize