Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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