I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
