I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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