I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
