So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
