Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Michael Bay diarrhea
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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