If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
