I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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