Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
