Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
