I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
