So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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