no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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