I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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