He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
