My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
