I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
