lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
