im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
