I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
