I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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