Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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