my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
