Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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