It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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