found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
