There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
We had to coat check the pizza.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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