did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
