Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
