those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize