i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
