Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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