OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
