these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
