Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
