Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
