ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
