I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
