I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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