it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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