If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
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