Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
