i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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