I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
In other news, I just burned my penis
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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