I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
