they need to just BURY HIM!
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize