He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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