WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
