i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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