wrigley field is MILF paradise
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
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