dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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