I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
