I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
