I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
When are your genitals available?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize