I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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