walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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