I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
