fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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