Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
